i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize