I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
