At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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