Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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