does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
