: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
