Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
