So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
