Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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