his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
