oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
