thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
