found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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