6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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