No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
