I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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