you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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