Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
