I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
