Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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