I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
