i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
