honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
