so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
