Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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