Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
