i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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