I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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