In the future we'll all be gay
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
