I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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