You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
