Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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