My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
