Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
