I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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