i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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