this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
