Are we in a gay sports bar?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
