??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
