In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I can't turn off my feet"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
