i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
