Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
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