Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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