I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
