Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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