Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
