His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
