how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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