Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
