D3 body, D1 cock
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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