I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
