I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
