I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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