When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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