Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Holy sore nipples Batman
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
