I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
