my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
