I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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