If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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