he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
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we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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