my phone needs a breathalizer
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
