Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
