we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
