I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
