What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
