I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
