Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
