There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
