another moral hangover. fuck.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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