help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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