So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She bit a glass in half.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Randomize
