This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
