im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
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You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
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Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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