well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
