I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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