we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
