i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
